why does fear

move me and push

is the push that deep, the price that steep?

the floor so smooth and rich like coconuts and hooker butts

sliding the toe across rubs a thumb down my back til I say STOP!

Not ready not ready

But I think I've escaping my self-proclaimed exile from action

Justified laziness now unjustified

..

The hotel IDENTICAL to its previous state...suites as sweet as 1980's track houses; fades light pink mint greens adorn the frames the shelves bells whistles of the summer beach house resort tucked away in ALISO creek, near that Laguna beach.

Last time I'd seen the sunlight streak through the sliding glass doors, I had lined up a faction of stuffed animals in Easter-like revelation, perked in baskets in a row. My babies. My little ones, placed in the sun in order of preference...pink being the guiding factor of my affection

pink noses plastic clicking against other pink plastic noses, stuffed animals kisses, stuffed with me and clicking with YES, and sunshine and private deck out back.

There is no one at the resort now

Babs and I are the only guests, along with the tax auditor. The back deck perfect for our naked boggle playing, wine sipping, chocolate gorged sex chit chat

Babs

That's it! I'm sending a HEART FELT letter to Oprah and it's gonna happen. I'm getting on baby!

Wagging those long piano index fingers definitively

BB

Baby, I love you, but I get SO worried when I start hearing about budding megalomanias. It doesn't matter how successful you get, you have accomplished everything you need for a fulfilling and content life.

Babs

I don't need any of your negativitiy! Tonight when I write the letter I want NO criticism, just tell me that it's the most amazing thing you've ever read and tell me you absolutely adore me HOURly.

BB

You're amazing

Babs

Thank you.

BB

You're divine. You redefine solar radiation;my sun, my dove. I cannot believe you're my mother!

Babs

You're the one I would have chosen!

Noses kiss, kisses kiss

Babs

Oh! Any man kissing you is getting French lips!

BB

I scream French hooker

Babs eyes peering, giant makeup-less smile, cooing affirmation

BB

I was on the stand and to the class the professor was like,' defining features for Brittany are her wide eyes, how small the lower eyelid is in comparison to the upper. And see the quarter angle she opens her eyes at, this is the "bedroom eye". I feigned perfect embarrassment, giggling as he made me rotate to show off our lil humped nose. It's crazy to now understand my profile and not be terrified by my jewy nose and what the professor called a "classic WEAK chin". I asked, is that a technical term, nervously, hah? He's like, well, yes, your forehead far outstrenches your chin, it's very Renaissance. You look like Rembrandt's wife.

Babs

I want a drawing of you! Do you think they need any older models? I'd do it in a second HONEY!

BB

HOnnneyyyyy

She's sleeping and I'm out here listening to shpongle thinking about my genes seeking their creator, seeking the little house where we were born